Would my 5-year-old be proud of me now?

Sudden inspiration coming from this. 

Seriously, would your 5-year-old be proud of you now?

For me, I think it's kinda half yes, half no. 

I don't think I'm actually living my life to the fullest right now. My friends have all gotten part-time jobs during this holiday and I'm still here, using my mom's money. For that, I feel bad for myself (as an excuse, that's cos I've got things to do, like every month so my time is very inflexible). 

Last year hasn't been exactly a good year for me and it's not a year that I feel proud of myself. I was pretty depressed myself, probably from all the studying throughout the entire year or thinking too much about everything and when my social life pretty much hits the negative. Until now, I still can't believe that I felt so depressed last year. T.T It's still haunting me until now because I've always wanted to be the happy person inside out. 

I don't think my 5-year-old is that proud of me also because I don't think I'm a smart person. Not academically smart, but just smart in other aspects in life. My 5-year-old would hope that I'm a more optimistic person, a happier person. And also, I've been saying that I want to do so many things this holiday but didn't.. well, because I'm such a procrastinator. Like, I've been saying that I must learn to cycle but till now... T.T.

But on the other hand, I kinda admire myself for actually making an effort to love myself. Because I feel that sometimes I have lack of confidence. Like, I've never thought that I'm a good artist enough. Or my results are ever good enough. And I can be very competitive at times (kiasu la... ). When I see someone better than me, I won't feel good about myself. But then nowadays, I'm trying to actually enjoy what I'm doing and not keep thinking that I suck.

I think my 5-year-old would be really proud of me because my drawings have improved so much. I remember when I was young and I went for my art classes, I would admire my seniors' drawings and that was  what that kept motivating me. : D I would always hope that one day, I would end up like them and I'm proud to say, I am one of them. :) Hope that I could inspire the juniors like how the seniors inspire me.

My 5-year-old would also be proud that I'm really taking effort to really love myself this time. Last year, I was so busy with my studying and err... depressing and somehow, I lost my own shine. I mean, I'm learning to be honest and be myself. I think in this world, one of the most difficult task is being yourself. Because a lot of time by being yourself, you might be afraid that you would lose your friends, and you will look differently. But it's amazing to see how people who are themselves are the happiest in life.

My 5-year-old would be proud that my results are fine the way they are. Sometimes, I think I'm a pretty useless person. The only thing I'm probably best at is studying. And I'm not even that good, that above average that kind. But still, through every test and every exams, I never once gave up. And my 5-year-old would be proud that I did not just study for the sake of exams. Also it's my principle not to accept tips in exams and I'm so bloody proud of that part of me. : D

And oh, my 5-year-old would be proud of my blog too! Haha, my blog actually has contents you know...

My 5-year-old would be proud of the all the group works I've done with my friends, the leadership in me and all the achievements I got. They're not much, but still, every achievements I got, I actually DO work for it and that's what I'm happy about.

So many times I would be afraid of how people see me and how they judge me but well, I guess that's just part of growing up and some day, I would grow up to be better. : D
Also, I need to stop thinking so much about everything because I realised that I have this tendency that I think too much. I don't know when I started becoming like this but it's starting to become a problem in my life... and I blame the critical thinking classes in Sem 1 and 2!

p.s You might want to click on the ads because... I'm already so poor, I cannot afford to go poor some more.