The Grass is Always Greener on the Other Side

You know, if I were to compare with other people, I could have an incredibly low self-esteem.
To be honest, I see myself as a girl with no talents at all. Besides studying, I don't think I am specially good with other things. Even studying, I'm just above average, not a genius or whatsoever. And even so, if I'm not hardworking, my results will flunk greatly. I need to study more than what others do or else I will get bad results. I can't do last minute work and I need to make sure that I study really early just so I could get slightly better results than others. I don't think I'm actually good at anything else.


Let's see one by one:

1. Sports. I suck at sports. Anything involving sports like badminton, tennis or whatever, I can't do em' all. If you see me play sports, you'll most probably puke blood. 
2. Singing and dancing. I can't do both either. I voice sucks and my dancing is like robot. I'm not trying to joke or be humble. My friends actually laugh when they see me dancing. 
3. General knowledge. I'm not specially good in this either. I don't know any extra knowledge more than other people. I'm just okay okay, average that kind. 
4. Cooking. I can't cook at all, except cooking rice and frying eggs. Okay, and maggi mee. That's all. I can't bake either. I'm definitely not that kind of person who can enter kitchen. Die la, the guy who get married to me in the future. I'd better get married to a chef. 
5. Sewing. I can't do this either. Some people can do DIY and I don't do all this. I'm just not that interested and can't ge bothered to do it. 
6. Music. I don't play piano, guitar, violin and whatever instruments there are. I'm not really music type of person. 
7. Art. Okay, this is most probably one that I'm slightly better than other people. But then, it's a no choice since I've got to be good at this, if this is what I need to do in my life. If I compare with my similar peers, I still suck and have a loooooooonnnnnggggggg loooonnnnngggggg way to go. And if I don't practise enough (which I seldom do), my skills would decline a lot. 
8. Languages. Some people are more into languages like they're specially good in English or Chinese. I don't. I don't suck in English, of course, but I'm not that good either. I mean, I speak English since I was young, so I'm definitely good at it but I'm not great at it. I don't learn any foreign languages either like Japanese or Korean. I just couldn't be bothered to learn new languages and in fact, I kinda dislike the idea of it. I don't know why. Like, when I was an otaku, my similar friends would all learn Japanese eagerly and some are pretty good at it. I never do those stuffs. Despite the fact that I was into Japanese anime, I just couldn't be bothered to actually like learning their languages. 

Okay, so you might have read this and think it's not such a big deal after all. But I see my friends, they're usually interested in something and are quite good at them and some have more than a few talents. I just don't. I'm not interested in anything. I'm just not interested. That's why I actually think that I'm someone with no talents. True, if I want to be good at all these, I can. If I really work hard at it, I think I can do it. I can be good at badminton if I really work hard at playing it often. But somehow, I always feel that I've always got to work harder than people to just achieve the same level as them.


Just like drawing, I always feel that I've got no talent in it. I just don't feel that I'm BORN with this art thing. I'm not naturally good with it. Some people can just get ideas when doing something. They're just creative, the way they are. I'm not. I'm not creative. I need a lot of time to get an idea, and sometimes, it's not even such a great idea.


But then again, if I were to rethink again, the reason why I'm feeling this way is because I keep on comparing myself. I keep seeing myself with other people that I forget to realise that these people, might also feel the same thing. They themselves might also feel insecure and feel that they're talentless and yet, we're thinking that they're talented. Sometimes, we focus so much on what's good on others that we forgot to see ourselves.


So maybe, I'm not good at all those things listed above but at least, sometimes, I work myself to be better. It's also a sort of talent. Okay, maybe I'm not at hardworking ALL the time. I'm lazy sometimes. Like, I keep telling myself I need to draw today but then I procrastinate (.....).

But I'm definitely not a lazy pig. I know how much effort I put into my studies. My results are not exceedingly well. Sometimes, it's pretty bad. But I know I work myself towards it and I think that's what counts. Not the marks shown on the paper or my level of my drawing. I can screw up a drawing but for all I know, that drawing is my own work, and myself only.