The Day I Fear I Will be Living With 40 Cats

It's a little early too early for me to worry about this but *gulp*... 

what if I cannot get married in the future?!

*gulp* 

My friend, Jing Jing, said she's gonna live with 80 cats if she couldn't get married and I said that I can share half of them. 80 cats is too much for an old woman anyway. 

But really, I am quite worried about this issue. I'm only 20 (hitting 21 this June, how sad) and I know there are people out there who're older than I am and are even more worried. And the fact that I am worrying will make them even more worried because when I am worrying, it means that it's even worse for them. But really, what if I really really cannot meet the soul my life, the Mr. Right (eek, so cheesy), the partner of my life, the person that can share the rest of my life with me, the.. the.. another part of my soul (or whatever cheesy stuff you can think of). What if I really end up alone in my life when I am 40 80 with no husband? Omg.. this thought is very scary ok. 

For those that feel like laughing (especially you, Sherilynn, if you are reading this. I know your 笑点 very low one) ... please don't! And this is a serious issue, ok! I am pretty sure all girls will somehow think of this lah, especially when you are single. If you already got boyfriend one, probably you will think of marrying him in the future so I don't think you will be that worried like the singles. 

What's worse, is that I'm "evergreen" (as termed by my friend, Vivianne), which means that I have absolutely zero experience when it comes to relationship. Nada. None at all. I very thick skinned one, won't admit that it's because of my personality or looks or whatever that makes me single but it's because of the fact that I am from an all-girls school. As much as I love being in all-girls school, I admit that it doesn't teach us well on how to communicate with the opposite gender. Guys used to be aliens for me when I was in Form 1 till Form 3. I need to get away from like, at least 1 metre away from the guys. Because they are another weird creation from God, much weirder than frogs and toads (which I am VERY VERY afraid of). It's like, for me, why do guys even exist, seriously? Anyway, it was slightly better (ONLY slightly) when I entered Form 4 and now that I'm already in uni, I'm like, totally fine with all the guys. This pretty much sums up the reason why I am "evergreen". I am a "late bloomer", haha. 

It is really surprising because some friends will ask me for relationship advices despite me telling them that I've never been in a relationship before. The ironic thing is that, when it comes to relationship, sometimes, the third parties (as in, people who aren't in the relationship, not 小三 that kind) can see things better than the ones involved in the relationships. They say love is blind and I couldn't agree more. Because everytime when my friends have relationship problems, I clearly know what they should and shouldn't do but somehow, they don't see it themselves. It's not like I am smarter and wiser or what but love really takes the rationality away from people. I'm pretty sure when I am love, my rationality will be taken away too and that's when I will need advice on my other friends. But because I am worried that I might not be in a relationship for the rest of my life.... *shudders at the scary thought* ... I don't have to worry about being irrational first..

On the other hand, I am also not used to being in a relationship (if I ever have one) because I've been living my life by myself all the 20 years of my life. Honestly, I am not the kind of person who would show myself to just anyone. I am rather private and not very comfortable being with another person, or living with them. I sometimes also find that being in a relationship can be quite tiring cos like, I don't really like to be committed to other people. But I know this is quite a big weakness of mine and am trying to work hard to be more open (and hence, this blogpost is made). Although I am worried about this whole forever alone thing, I am also enjoying my time at the same time. It feels so good, to do whatever I want, eat whatever I want, go wherever I want, with whoever I want. There are times when I really really love being alone because it's quite a therapeutic thing. 

I guess love is really about fate and destiny, it's about the 缘分. One friend used to tell me that when I am with someone I like, I wouldn't mind spending time with him (in fact, I would be enjoying it) and I wouldn't think of it as something tiring and I would be very happy to commit the time and energy. I also believe when in love, girls look so much prettier. They said when you're in love, you look younger, happier and hence, prettier and healthier. You will be glowing. Sometimes, I think love is really one of the most wonderful thing in the world. Probably, someday, it will be so magical it starts healing cancer and some other diseases (but wtf, later doctors will be jobless and bankrupt).