月荷

"There're two doors of happiness. Whenever one closes, another opens. But often to look so much at the closed one that we don't realise that one is opened for us."-Helen Keller-

Frankly speaking, most of the time, I'm down because of my future.

The thing is, I think my mom doesn't believe in me. Today, she had one of the lectures of how we shouldn't depend our life on art. I was telling her about my art teacher winning some awards and blablas.. she was like, "You know, most artist are poor. Admit it. This is reality we're talking about. Art can just be a hobby. Nobody's actually a rich artist."

I wanted to add Pablo Picasso was a rich artist. Of course I did not, fearing she doesn't know who Picasso is. Anyway, she has been repeating this for a zillion times. Obviously, she knows what I want to become in the future. Obviously she doesn't agree. Just the other day, she told me that my cousin is planning to further he studies to Singapore. In order not to make her feel that I'm an immature freak who hasn't planned her future, I told her that I'm planning to apply to scholarship to England.(By the way, my cousin's 15) I did planned my future. I did it like when I was in Form 2. Only I did a more specific one when I was in IAG. Anyway, I told her about me wanting to go to England. And she thought I'm thinking of going to Form 6. I wanted to tell her that I want to study in The One Academy first but I wasn't really ready. So she said, " Well, it's so hard to get." I replied, "So I'll have to do my best-lor."

She was like, "It kinda depends on your luck also. If you get only 5 to 6 As for you SPM, it's impossible to get, you know." She doesn't even know that I am thinking applying an art scholarship. I wanted to tell her, of course but I didn't want to ruin our shopping mood since we were in Mid Valley.

Anyway, today, she said, "Artist can hardly get money. Aiya, you know, unless you win an award or you're famous.. which obviously.. not really.. you know.. " I felt like crying everytime she said that. I don't understand why though she said that artist are all poor. My art teacher is rich! My mom knows that I'm taking art in my future but she doesn't believe I'll be a successful one.

I mean, it's not like I'm angry. I know that artists can hardly earn any money. But not all are poor right? Some artists just don't make the effort to get more money. I'm just tad disappointed that my mom doesn't believe me when I believe in myself. I really really want to be a famous comic artist. I know that my mom wants what's best for me. She just thinks that ... you know.. art can only be a hobby, never an occupation. That's why I'm doing my very very best right now to show her how much I love art. Even if my husband's going to die early leaving me with 3 babies to take care of, I need her support to be famous ( by the way, I had this vivid imagination of my husband dying early and me crying him not to go away and taking care of three miserable babies, living in an extremely old rumah kampung ). After all, if J.K. Rowling could survive in the streets writing Harry Potter and taking care of her babies, why can't I? XD

"Never let your fear to control you."